I spent last Saturday morning in the Twilight Zone. It was somewhat amusing at the time, but nonetheless hair-rasing, here is the story:

I went out about 8 am Saturday morning to do a little shooting ...



I was shooting Don't be fooled and Where the snow still melts beside a little plaza on a busy street, at the foot of a bridge (the location where Toronto's snow removal crews had dumped a great deal of Scarborough's street snow throughout the winter). I had finished up and was walking out of the mucky, "Black Ice Lake" area when I see two cops walking toward me ... *wonders if I was 'trespassing'* ... "Uh, Oh - Am I in trouble?" I say to them with a grin ... this is where I enter the Twilight Zone:

First, I notice that not only are there two of them, there are also two cars ... hmmm *thinks this is a bit strange* I can tell that they're not amused by my attempt at humour (that's Never a good sign). One asks me why I'd think that, and what I'm doing here, but isn't really interested in the answer. Next the question is whether or not that is my Oldsmobile over there ... "yes, why?" "We'll ask the questions." Now I'm really feeling the 'Uh-Oh". Two cops, one male - one female. The male cop asks to see my drivers licence. "Sure, but what's this about?" "Well, let's just go over to the cars and see if we can figure that out." I'm still feeling Very confident as I Know I've done nothing wrong ... and I'm not intimidated by authority, so I obviously appear quite calm & collected to them.
They take my licence and the female cop gets in the car & onto CPIC (Canadian Police Information Centre) while the male cop asks me questions like where I live, where was I born, etc ... when I told him I was born in Ontario he asked "Are you sure?" ... he didn't really show amusement when I said "I can't really remember the event, but that's what my BC says" ... I refused to give up my light-hearted approach to this!
Next he wants to look at my eyes, so I remove my glasses. He asks what colour my eyes are, and is not impressed when I tell him that they change colour but you can generally call them hazel - sometimes they're blue, or green, or grey ... or any blend of those three . Dead pan, he asks "and what exactly makes them change colour?" (Like I'm supposed to know???) I answered that the only person who'd ever really figured that out was my mother, but it's too late to ask her.
Now the third cop, the supervisor shows up ... and people are gathering to see what's going on .... I simply asked "Isn't the third one supposed to bring the Timmies? (that's the coffee) ... no grin, no smirk, no laugh, no smile. Damn, this is a hard crowd!
The supervisor is a bit more willing to see the humour in this situation with me, and at least Finally tells me what's going on .... are you ready?

Well, Teresa ... it seems that in CPIC there is an attachment to your plate with cross reference to your previous address, that seems to indicate that you are Wanted for Armed Robbery. ..... de ne ne ne de ne ne ne .... I'm in Now .... at least he saw the humour when I asked where Rod was hiding (the two other cops were too young to have known what the hell I was talking about). So I'm completely flaberghasted "You've Got to be kidding me??? .... Seriously??????" They have ALOT of questions about my eyes *wierd* and ask if I have any tattoos ... "nope". "Can we see your left arm then?" "Sure", I pull up my sleeve ... so now we have me, three cops, three cop cars, a crowd gathering ... the supervisor speaking with me, the female cop in her car on the computer, and the young male cop in his car on the phone to somebody higher up .... more questions about tattoos: did I ever have one?
"No" ... we need to see higher up on your left arm ... "no problem", I stretch my sleeve all the way to expose my shoulder. The young male cop says, "they say it could have been lasered off" ... Are these people Serious???
Now at this point I can tell there has been a shift .... I can tell they believe me (all of them) ... and are looking for a way to get me off the hook here .... but protocol is Not allowing them ... I still have my camera around my neck ... and it's the young male cop who shares his attempt at humour now: "You like pictures, right?" "Yes" *curious about where this is going* ... "Well, we need to invite you to come for a photo shoot" ... "You Are Absolutely Joking, Right??????" .... "sorry, but no"
OK .... Let's just go get this cleared up once & for all ... and says "Should I just follow you guys?" ... "Ahhhhh .... NO" ... "OohH, Right" I say. They ask me to put the camera in my van before me head to the station ... I say no, I want to bring it along, No is the answer ... "Come on ... there's 20 people standing around who are going to watch me put my equipment in my van and drive away with you ... No Way (they did let me keep the camera with me )
So we go to the station, I get printed & have mug shots taken. More questions - did I ever live Down East (Shit!) "yes" I have to answer .... talk about whether or not to put me in a holding cell (No I'm Really beginning to get Pissed Off!) as we have to wait for someone to come with the equipment to take subdermal photographs of my arm to see if I ever had a tatoo ... perhaps they should see if they can get the victims in for a line-up ... My cool resolve is beginning to weaken inside as I start thinking about what's going to happen with my kids at home ....
Thankfully the 'hotographer' shows up, very quickly proves that I've never had the tattoo in question. Several appologies later and a clerk is telling me I can go now. "And who is going to drive me back to my van?" I ask the girl who's head is downward burried in paperwork. Without looking up she says "We don't do that". My lack of response and the fact that I was obviously not moving away made her look up ... she quite clearly grasped the severity of my Glare and quietly said "oh ... I suppose we Could do that" ................................
DAMNED STRAIGHT!!!!!!

EXIT TWILIGHT ZONE .... and that was More than enough excitement for one day!